Brilliant.

Today's service was absolutley awsome, I came sooo close to walking out to the front to share my testimony with everyone but somehow my legs wouldnt go forward and my heart was hammering so much I thought it would burst out of my chest. I WILL do it one of these days because I'm truly blessed with God's peace and that's something that should be shared.

Smiley

We had a special service at our church last night, Col (our pastor) called us all together having cancelled his original plans for his 50th birthday celebration and it was good. We ended the evening listening to a youth group on dvd, you'd have sworn it was a pop concert at your local arena and it got us all dancin so it did.

I've felt a bit like my old self today. Magic????......Nope! God.

Easter Sunday

Last Easter I never got to give Chris his egg, it stayed in the cupboard and eventually got thrown out because non of us could bring ourselves to eat it.

Only someone who knows how it feels to grieve deeply will understand that no matter how many people you have around you on a tearful day the lonelyness is indescribable, the hole you carry feels massive and the yearning is physical. Thats how it felt this morning as I set out for church.

The service was brilliant, the songs made me feel like I was flying, the children who taught us adults to be kids again was priceless and I got that 'calm' that lifted the lonelyness and the yearning.

I'm so glad that I have God in my life, He's my strength.....always.

Mothers Day.

Its group (((HUG))) time for all the parents out there who have lost a child, Mothers day is a hard one not only for us mums but also for our hubby's other children and family because they're watching us and hoping and praying that we get through it ok.

I've been blessed with that amazing 'calm' today, the one that kicks in just when I need it. The day started with church, I love my new church I can't wait to get there on a Sunday and I thoroughly enjoy every single moment of it. Colin our pastor is really passionate and although I struggle to remember everything he says I can always relate to the message. I'm so glad to be one of many who have God in their lives, thats what my 'calm' is its His peace that is helping me through possibly the worst thing that could happen to a parent, to lose a child. I first experienced it when Chris was taken into hospital last March and it wasn't like anything I've ever felt before. I didnt analyse it at the time but I knew that many people were praying for Chris and also for me Mike and John to be given strength and peace. My friend would text me with reference to a particular reading or psalm in the bible and I spent every evening reading them, it was a great comfort. I had my calm many times when Chris was ill and it enabled me to be with him every minute of every day, I had it the day of his funeral on my birthday on Christmas Day and I have it today. Thank you God.

Last years Mothers day card from Mike and Chris had to be dug out today, I couldn't resist and the words in it are wonderful, ok I know its what is printed but they assured me they pick the cards for the verse, it says.

I dont know if you realise how much I admire you, but I do. You've been such a wonderful inspiration to me ~ not just in the way you support and encourage me, but in the way you live every facet of your own life...

I've learned from you ~ what it means to be truly giving and caring, how important it is to be fair and understanding of others, how to believe in myself and be the best I can be...

Your example has shaped the way I think and feel and believe. You've been such a positive influence in my life Mum, and on Mothers Day I just thought you should know how much you mean to me....

My boy's inspire me to live my life and not waste one second of it.

Today Mike has given me the biggest card I have ever seen and a gorgeous teddy wearing a really silly hat (hats are my thing) and yesterday I got a surprise gift from our Mike's ex fiance who I love to bits, the card with it said 'To one very special lady'.

How blessed am I...............eh!!

Note to myself today is the 2nd but I started this blog yesterday.