Strength

I've not been on here for a while, well that's not true actually, because I have, but I ended up hitting the delete button soon after reading my post back. I wrote another letter to Chris, I made up a poem to him and I just plain poured my heart out about how painful Christmas is. But for some reason I just couldn't post it.

I've had one of those horrid waves this last week and it all started when I tried to do Christmas shopping over a week ago. John and I set out to find this market, but as soon as I got out of the car and saw the decorations and heard the Christmas songs, I wanted no part of it. What used to be a happy, magical time, is just so sad when you've had to say goodbye to your child.

It's strange, but one of the blogs I read tonight was about a person who had received a transplant, he was paying tribute to his donor and saying thank you for my gift of life. It touched me and reminded me that I did get to see Chris enjoy a 'normal' life, some parents don't get that chance.

The one and only thing that has kept me going through this last week is a Sunday, when I get to church. I can't explain it to anyone, but it gives me superhuman strength. The lump in my throat is getting smaller now and I will do Christmas this year, thanks to the strength that God gives me, the lovely friends and family I have around me and reading Oli's blog.

Love again.

What an awsome day I've had today. As I've already said on my other blog, the service this morning was amazingly uplifting and tonight has been so special. Our church hosted the get together of several churches on the Wirral and I can't begin to put into words how good it feels to be among like minded people who just 'love' each other.

Being a welcomer at the door I stuck my hand out to greet everyone and do you know how wonderful it is that there's no embarrassment and no fear of rejection, it's just niceness and I'm Blessed to be a part of it.

I'm proud to be a part of working together on the Wirral.

Its good to be back.

What a truly wonderful feeling it is to be back in God's presence, to be filled with the joy of The Holy Spirit has to be the most comforting, strengthening and loving place that exists.

As I've done before and I daresay I'll do again, I got lost in believing I could handle the hard things in life with just my own strength and before I knew it, the inner peace and joy had started to wane. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a miserable person, but over the last few weeks that special thing was missing, I haven't even blogged about church for ages. That's probably because I didn't go last week and wasn't really there in spirit the week before. How, I ask myself, can I let my trust in God take a back seat and battle on with only human strength, when I know for sure I only have to open up and ask.

I'll tell you why, because sometimes the horrid things in life stun me for a while and I flounder and forget to ask God to help me to deal with them. This last few weeks four young people I know of have lost their lives and it is hard to come to terms with. To just accept and not acknowledge the sadness would be inhuman and disrespectful to the families and friends of those young people. To be sad and still have as strong a faith is something that I am Blessed with. But I still need reminding that I can't do it alone. I needed to hear Col's words today, every bit as much as Williams message, just to remind me that no matter what happens, God will pick me up and restore my joy and peace.

It's not by chance that my favourite song was sung this morning because I hear those words every time I really need them. Praise God.

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

In the fullness of your grace
In the power of your name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Higher than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Reaches to me

Your love O Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness
Reaches to the skies

I know that God has plans for me, He put college on my path and through Him I am doing better than I ever thought possible, because He is my strength.