Emotion....again.

Less than a week after doling advice out right left and centre I’ve come to the conclusion that I should shut up Why? because in the last two days I’ve ignored my inner voice and been a moody sod.

I do almost everything here, I always have and I’ve always been happy to do so but because John got arsey about taking the stick thing with my sisters party photo’s on it and putting it on her pc I saw my arse. At the time I wished I could be angry, but angry is alien to me I just get upset and cry a bit, then I got really down and developed cold sores and a couple of boils and……I wanted a divorce, all this over a little stick.

I ironed everything in sight on Monday while watching the God channel, there was this guy doing a talk on emotion and not giving into it because once you do you’ve lost it and it affects everyone’s reaction around you, I’m not talking about the grief emotion here, that’s perfectly normal, I mean anger, bitterness, jealousy things like that.

At work yesterday I had toothache, headache, cold sores a couple of boils horrendous tinitus and I was still a bit tearful from John’s aresyness and the icing on the cake was my boss was in such a bad mood, he kept slamming stuff and telling us to do what we already knew we would be doing once we finished the thing we were in the middle of doing. I thought about the emotion thing and decided to ‘hand it over to God’ as I was fast losing the will to live (just a saying).

I came home and through my letterbox was the loveliest letter and a book from a mum I’d met at the Bereaved Parents Network meeting, when I read the letter it put life back into perspective pronto, why on earth was I stressing over John saying ‘why can’t you do it’ it so wasn’t worth the energy I’d given it. Because I’m human that’s why, I should have handed it over to God sooner and that letter and book would have arrived earlier.
My God is awesome, I just need to remember that before I go off on one.