Firsts

I’m going to The CTC tomorrow evening, I’ll be visiting a friend on The Amanda Unit, that’s the one Chris practically lived in pre-transplant and it’ll be the first time I’ve been back. I have a sketch of Chris’s that’s going to be put on the wall there and I said I’d take it one day when some of the staff I know are on duty so I can say hello. The more I thought about that day the more I reckoned it would be too overwhelming, so I said to J who Chris and I have known since paediatrics, when you next go in for iv’s I’ll come to see you, that will be a reason to go other than the focus being Chris, which is still so bloody painfull, especially when I’m doing something that just him and I did together for so long, its just so personal and always hits a very raw nerve.

So I’m going but I’ll not take his sketch because I’d like to take it up on or around his birthday and I would also like to see the staff again. By visiting J first I think it might make that day a bit easier. I know I could give the picture to somebody to take for me but I feel its something I want to do myself and I know by experience that I’ll be glad I did because these things are never as bad on the day as I think they will be.

I feel better already now that’s out of my head and into words, good idea this blog is.