The need to talk to Chris has become overwhelming, so I thought the next best thing was to write a letter to him, apparently its not unusual, it says so on my list.
The need to talk to you has become overwhelming so I thought it might be a good idea to write you a letter. It doesn’t seem like year ago that you got your call for transplant, does it, it was the 19th of August last year and we were down at the carphone warehouse me and you, because you wanted that white chocolate phone. It was 5 pm when they rang you from Wythenshawe, I remember it like yesterday, not a year ago, you were as cool, calm and collected as if the call had been one of your mates arranging a night out.
What a year, it’s a good job we can’t see into the future because I’d have opted out of this one that’s for sure, or would I? No, of course I wouldn’t, because during this last year I saw you at your happiest and I’ll always be glad of that. My mental picture of you now is a big healthy smiley face, planning the next wind up, I’d have to try hard to form a mental picture of you looking poorly, that’s good isn’t it.
I miss you so much Chris, I cry every single day but I smile every single day too, ‘sad’ doesn’t even come close to how me dad and Mike feel, there’s a huge gap in our lives and we yearn for it to be filled, but know that it wont ever be. Its so hard to carry on our lives without you, we go through the motions but it just isn’t the same, it never will be, but we’re strong and very close, just as you said in the message you left for us, so we’ll get there.
The plum tree has so much fruit on it this year…remember when you bit into that one and found half a grub, you were so disgusted you never touched another one from then on and your willow is doing mega well, I remembered what you said and have let the grass grow right up to the trunk, so we can lie under it on very hot days. Rodney is a cow and a half, just like you trained her to be, she terrorises Mitzy and Winnie and destroys everything in her path…you loved that kitten and insisted we adopted her, it was just before Christmas last year when she turned up at our door. She was knocking on it with her paw and you said we had to let her in because she had the courage to ‘dare’ to come to a strange house, ‘he who dares Rodders’ ‘he who dares’ and yep we let her in…glad we did now and also glad you took the notice out of the local shops the day after I put it in.
Mike’s moved into your room, he said it felt right and I think you’d agree, his room is a hovel and he now tells people ‘that was our Chris’s room’ he says you wouldn’t expect any less of him….cheeky git.
I finally got round to listening to those three songs you mailed me just before you went to Wales with the lads, flippin heck it was a mission listening to them, its uncanny how appropriate the words are now, its sad but also a bit special to have something so personal.
People say you’re in a better place, I hear the words, but think the very best place you could be is here with us where you belong, because we love you and miss you so much.Its been good to talk babe, I’ll write again soon.
Love mum. xxx
4 years ago