You live and learn.

I've been on a course today run by Care of the Family an organisation set up to support people in all aspects of family life. Our pastor gave me a leaflet weeks ago and said it may or may not be helpful to me, it was a day long course for parents who'd lost children and they would try to seat you with people who's child was near the same age as yours.

I like to think I'm doing brilliantley and was quite sure I'd go along there and give more than I received but it didnt really work out that way. The people I sat with today were doing equally as well as I was in that they were there, they were continuing to live their lives and they were looking forward with as much determination as me. I wasn't special and I certainly wasn't able to give without receiving because as we all told our story it was obvious that each one of us had something which inspired the others.

I also realised there were issues that I hadn't yet allowed myself to think too deeply about simply because I like to be super human, so I did get upset and what's good about that is the fact that I didnt even realise they were lurking around in my subconcious until today, so they're out now.

The drive there was the hardest thing I've had to do for a while and I was dreading it because it followed the exact route to the cf unit which was practically Chris's second home and mine come to think of it. I drove past bawling my eyes out, but again I've done it now so its another bridge crossed.

Everyone there today including the organisers and speakers have been where I am now and I'm very glad I went but tonight I'm emotionally exhausted so I'm going to do as I was told and be kind to myself.....that'll be a double voddy and a large wedge of cake with cream 'cos I'm worth it'

Praise God for my continued strength.