Whingey day

On the whole today has been one of those intermittent whingy days that never give a warning and are horribly painful, I never realised how grief could manifest itself in such a physical way. I always thought it was a mental thing, you felt terribly sad, down in the dumps and snarled at everyone or couldnt be bothered talking, but what about this overwhelming need to scream, the pressure behind your ribs like they are about to burst, the inability to swallow and the massive hole that wont fill in.

Babe I can see lots of things that remind me of you daily and stay on an even keel but today wasn't one of them, whether its because I just needed a whingey day or whether its because we said goodbye to James just 3 years ago I dont know.

I signed into msn tonight and you know when the page loads and all your contacts show up you click the mouse to get your curser on the page and what did I inadvertently bring up 'you' it said you were ofline and I could leave a mesage so I did, I said I love you.

I miss you so much.