Every day should be a Sunday.

Our speaker today was Steph, she's 19 and has just completed a year at bible college, she has 2 more to do and I reckon she's going to be a brilliant at whatever she's called to do. God has no boundries you know, some might think can I really sit here and listen to a 19 year old preaching 'The Word' after all, I'm 50 odd and have seen and done it all. Steph has been in bible college exactly the same time as I've been going to Kings and do you know what, she fired me up today because she has a passion.

This past week I've been spinning plates, you know that one in the circus where you run from one spinning plate to another trying to keep every one going and panicking in case one of those plates fall and break, you feel that if you dont keep those plates up on the sticks and they fall then its somehow down to you because you could have run faster and kept it up.

Well I learned today that no matter how hard we try to keep those plates up, at the end of the day we have to stop and concentrate on our own relashionship with God and when we do that for real and live His Word we receive that peace, the one that allows us to take a step back and let the plates find their own balance.

Its not just about a Sunday, it can be Sunday every day if I want it to be, God wants to look out for us but he can't do that unless we ask him into our life and truly want him there. I'm still learning because I occasionally have times when I go off on one, today brought me back again thanks to a 19 year old. Its been said many times, God uses unlikely people and unusual circumstances, we just have to break out of our comfy place and acknowledge it.

Listen.

Sundays have a habit of handing me something very special and today was no exception. Ian was our speaker for today and he was brilliant, he talked about the way we read or listen to Gods word. We can read the bible from back to front, put it down and tell ourselves we are ‘there’ we have a valid passport to heaven. We can go along on a Sunday, sing the songs hear the words that the speaker shares with us and happily go off for lunch at Pizza Hut safe in the knowledge that we have that ticket to everlasting life safely in our pocket.

Only…..its not quite as easy as that, when we read or hear Gods word we have to be sure to listen and absorb it then live it daily, sort of renewing that passport that we’ve been issued with. I used to think that when I got to the gates they would be opened and I’d walk in no problem, after all I considered myself to be a Christian so my name would be on the list. But saying to myself that I was a Christian and actually living each day in Gods word, knowing Him and believing that the joy and peace in my life is Him has shown me once again that I didn’t really know Him at all, I just thought I did.

Way back I used to ask God for something for my mum and sort of hoped I’d wake up one morning finding it had happened overnight, recently I’ve asked the same thing but the difference is I truly believed it would happen. I got a phone call from my mum in the week asking me if she could come to church with me this Sunday and afterwards she said she’d felt something she couldn’t put into words while Ian was talking. She said she felt totally absorbed when he was speaking and ‘listened’ and ‘heard’.

My mum stayed in a crowded room for the whole of the service, that might seem an easy thing to do for some people but for her it was a huge achievement.

Praise you my awesome God for talking through Ian today and reaching out to my mum.

My very favourite song for this week and I so wish I could sing proper.

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

In the fullness of your grace
In the power of your name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Clearer than oceans
Reaches to me.

2 years.

Hey you Christopher!

Drag yourself away from whatever project you have on the go up there and listen for a minute. Its the 20th of August 2008 down here, do you remember two years ago yesterday in the carphone warehouse when you got the call for your transplant and you acted like it was nothing. You got back in the queue to buy your phone eventhough we only had an hour and a half to get to the hospital. You did my head in that day, even insisting on driving us all there.

Anyway, I made you a candle to mark the actual day you got your new lungs and to thank the donor for giving us that extra time with you.

How cool is that

I'm laughing now because I know exactly what your answer would be 'Its rubbish, in fact its the stooooopidest candle I've ever seen'. Blimey it feels like you are sitting right beside me just now, I so wish you were.

Loving and forgiving......

I've put off blogging about a certain hoax blog because to be honest when I first heard it might be a fake I laughed my head off at myself for being so guilable. However it seems there are others who were badly hurt as a result of this and for them I feel very sorry.

This weeks service was once again about loving our neighbour so I'm going to forgive whoever it was that caused me a couple of days flashbacks to when Chris was in ICU. I'll also let them off with the many prayers I said for their healing because I beleive they need that more than ever. I'm ok and I'll pray that everyone else who was affected is ok too.

Baptism testimony - 10th August 2008

Hello everyone,

I’d like to start by saying I’ve always believed in God and I’ve always prayed, it sort of went like this:

The Our Father
The Hail Mary
The Confession
The Eternal rest

Followed by prayers for various family and friends, it was always in the same order and if my mind wandered or I momentarily dozed off I’d have to start at the beginning again, why? Because prayer was done parrot fashion and I talked at God rather than to Him.

I had to say goodbye to my youngest son in May of last year, he was 24 years old and had probably faced more pain emotionally and physically than most of us here today will ever have to deal with, but he left a message in his diary to be read out at his funeral. It said this:

I would like to start by saying I have had the best of life I could ask for, even having cystic fibrosis my life was made so easy and laid back. I count myself lucky to be Blessed with the family I have. I couldn’t ask for anything better simply because better doesn’t exist. My family is the best. As for cystic fibrosis, yes I had it but my mum, dad and Mike made it so easy to live with, I am so grateful. As for my friends, I couldn’t ask for better, I thank them all.
God Bless you all, every one of you.

Chris had a double lung transplant due to cystic fibrosis, this was to be his new life, but unfortunately he developed complications just eight and a half months later. While he was ill I lived in a bungalow at the hospital, it was a desperate time for me, his dad and his brother Mike. Every day brought us more bad news and it was the longest 6 weeks of our lives, but during this time I received regular texts from many many people, one of who was my lifelong friend Wendy. She would send messages suggesting I read God’s word, sometimes it would be a psalm, sometimes a reading and I spent most nights of those 6 weeks building a proper relationship with God.

I didn’t see it at the time but I used to get what I called ‘my calm’ it was an amazing feeling, not like anything I’d ever experienced before. It clicked in many times while Chris was ill and helped me to get through every parents worst nightmare. I knew before the doctors did that we would have to say goodbye to Chris and when they finally agreed with me and stopped aggressive treatment he smiled, although unconscious, he smiled.

My ‘calm’ as I called it has clicked in many times in the last year just when I most needed it, Mothers Day, my birthday, Chris’s birthday, Christmas and the anniversary of saying goodbye to him, I don’t call it my calm any more though because I now know its God’s peace and God’s strength.

Chris and I had made plans to come to Kings together, he called it Wendy’s church because whenever we met her in Asda she’s say ‘when are you coming to my church’ so he thought it belonged to her. Sadly he never made it, but that’s what brought me here and its no coincidence because God had his hand on me and on Chris way before we knew anything about it.

My prayers have changed slightly these days, it sort of goes like this now ‘Praise you my God for where I am now and where I want to stay always’ I talk to God now as I would chat to a friend and it doesn’t matter if I momentarily wander or doze because He knows what is truly in my heart.

We’ll never know the reason why we had to say goodbye to Chris, we prayed, Kings prayer group prayed and many more people prayed. But maybe, just maybe Chris also prayed, but a different prayer. On one occasion while he was conscious he said to me ‘this isn’t going to work mum’ and I knew he’d had enough, I trust that God did too.

I won’t pretend that life is easy for me John and Mike without our Chris because it isn’t, I still cry most days but I certainly never imagined I’d be able to laugh, feel joy, peace or calm again, I do though, I feel all of those things daily because whenever I’m struggling I’ve learned to hand it over to God and He never ever fails me.

Not only have I gained strength in my walk with God but I’ve also been able to help others who have lost a child and are finding it hard to cope, how Blessed am I to be able to do that.

In September I’m starting college and in 4 years time at 56 years old I’ll be a qualified nurse, I say that in full confidence because if that is my gift then God will make it happen, if it isn’t then I know I’ll be shown the path I should follow, that’s the great thing about having God in my life, its not complex or complicated, its simple, so why on earth did I struggle for so long when all I had to do was ask, I’ll tell you why, because I didn’t really know Him, but I do now and if I could I would prescribe everyone I know a huge dose of what I have, because its free and unlike some medication it works every time.

I had a crazy idea that I’d like to sing on my baptism day, but I was born tone deaf and I’m also officially stone deaf in my right ear so will spare you all that pleasure but the song that touched me the very moment I heard it made such an impression on me that I’d like to speak the words to you.

Father I place into your hands the things I cannot do.
Father I place into your hands the things that I’ve been through.
Father I place into your hands the way that I should go.
For I know I always can trust you.

Father I place into your hands my friends and family.
Father I place into your hands the things that trouble me.
Father I place into your hands the person I would be.
For I know I always can trust you.

Father we love to see your face, we love to hear YOUR VOICE.
Father we love to sing your praise and in your name rejoice.
Father we love to walk with you and in your presence rest.
For we know we always can trust you.

Father I want to be with you and do the things you do.
Father I want to speak the words that you are speaking too.
Father I want to love the one’s that you will draw to you.
For I know, that I am one with you.

For I know, that I am one with you.

Col has mentioned many times that God often chooses unusual circumstances or unlikely people to glorify his name, I think my story backs that up because who would ever think that losing a son would be the thing that brought me to Him, but it did and do you know why? Because He wanted me to be saved, that’s why. Its not about me, its about what God has done and will continue to do for me, how exciting is that.

_______________

I miss you so much Chris, you continue to inspire me and many others in the way you lived your life and always put others before yourself. I know you are still with me and always will be until the day we meet again. I love you babe.
Love mum. x

I'm excited now.

I've just got back from my Baptism class and I'm sooooooo filled with amazing happiness, I'm also hoarse because I played my God 1 CD and sang at the top of my voice all the way home.

I'm well Blessed I am.

Steps.

I did it, I went and I stayed an hour and a half and yes it was very very hard. J was in the room that Chris always favoured because it looked onto the garden that was designed especially for the cf patients, one of his favourite nurses Brian had got a lot of the cf'ers involved in making that garden and what an acheivement it was, in fact I'm sure thats what inspired our Chris to want a secret garden here. He got on brilliantley with Brian and even did a caricature of him which the staff had framed and gave to him when he left to go to another job.

The feeling on arriving at the hospital was that hollow one thats so hard to describe, its like a wave or a shudder and reaches the deepest part of your mind and body almost producing an inner moan like an animal. It makes you want to run away and hide somewhere where the hurt can't get you but of course you don't because you'd be running for the rest of your days.

Once I got to the ward, down the corridor and into J's room I was ok-ish and we had a right old laugh as she threw me a pot of what looked like medication. The label said 'One to be taken 10,000 times per day' blimey thats a hefty dose hunni I said, what are they? Steps she replied, I have to take 10,000 steps a day and thats 7 miles so there's no chance.........noooooooo way! She's taking part in a keep fit thing apparently so I said I'd text her when I got to the car park and tell her her how many it took me, I did and it was only 440 she was gutted.

I'm glad I went as I thought I'd be because when I've thought about the unit today I see J in that room first and recount some of the giggles we had last night, before my mind zooms back to Chris, its all about moving on and not getting stuck in a time warp to me, others may see it differentley because we all do it in our own way and what works for one doesn't always work for the other.

Praise God for my continued strength.